Monday, June 21, 2010

The Past...and Moving On

"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."

I had a wonderful discussion with a friend tonight on the topic of life and love...of loving not only another... but also taking care of oneself. This friend was able to put into context what has happened in my life and how my actions have impacted - both in a positive and negative light - many people.

I look back and I can’t begin to tell you the number of dysfunctional relationships that I have had myself involved in and refused to let go of ... but there comes a point when you realize that it is a cycle…and this is what my friend was stating…that it is a cycle that needs to be broken. There comes a time when you have had enough of living in such instability...and more importantly...insanity.

I realized a long time ago that only I can correct such situations and prevent myself from experiencing them over and over…I took a stand and said NO MORE. Of course it was HARD…I felt like crap for quite some time, but, it was worth it. Eventually the sickness in my stomach went away; the nervous butterflies vanished, and suddenly I had found myself again, only much wiser and quite a bit stronger.

I remember early on in my doctorate studies I was dealing with a lot of couples…and each of them stated the same thing…relationships are not easy friends…it's not like you are going to meet someone and it's just going to fall in place. They take commitment, trust, communication, stability, consistency, and honesty. Simply saying I love you does not cut it…it’s the actions that follow those words prove them to be true…and I know that!

Thank you my friend…it meant more coming from you then you will ever know.



I Sit and Wonder

I often sit and wonder

In life just where I’d be

To touch her face just one more time

In love…so much I see

She is an eternal blessing

Her heart shone ever true

I lay awake and think at night

My love…she never knew

My life has changed so much

That time beats ever still

In months…oh so it seems

I climb that rocky hill

I search the darkness for the light

In a world that knows only pain

But when I find my one true love

Lest my search be not…in vain

I often sit and wonder

In life just where I’d be

Without her love to follow

Lost…is what I see  

I’ll love her till the end

Of time…they say it’s true

My love for her is certain

In all…I say and do

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